When you meet the great love of your life, the wedding bells will undoubtedly be ringing in your ears, especially if you are the bride. Remember the movie ‘Bride Wars’? Epic tales of Bridezilla are far from fiction, and wedding stress is no laughing matter. Many modern couples would rather just skip the endless planning and worrying and get straight to eloping with their partner, although, of course, some planning goes into eloping as well! There are many pros and cons to both. So, elopement vs weddings, what will it be for your big day?
The History of Elopements
In medieval times, an elopement meant a couple running away to marry secretly, usually because their marriage was against societal norms or would not be accepted by their families. The modern meaning of an elopement is vastly different and rather adventurous and fun! Elopements mean getting married with minimal prior notice to friends and family or opting simply for a very small, intimate gathering of people to join you.
Elopements are not to be confused with adventure weddings, although the general concept can overlap when a couple elopes to an adventurous location for a wedding couple’s photo shoot. Elopements have evolved to simply mean a smaller gathering that is perhaps informed only a week prior, and there can be elements of an impromptu destination wedding added in if the couple is particularly passionate about a certain location.
An elopement differs from the traditional wedding process mainly in terms of scope. Weddings are larger, less personal, and have plans going on months in advance. In some cases, hundreds of people may be invited, and there will typically be a ceremony with an officiant and vows before a day or evening reception with professional catering. For those keen to stray from the norm, an elopement plan offers a ton of freedom and it saves up time and money for you to start your new life with less stress and debt.
Planning And More Planning
Understanding the significant differences between elopement vs weddings celebrations can help you choose the best one for you, and it definitely starts with planning. With a more traditional or formal wedding reception, there is much planning, often with very minute details. A guest list has to be decided, catering, décor, the music has to be decided, such as whether to hire a DJ or band and the wedding dress, favors, table settings and so forth, as the list is never-ending. Formal weddings are also more elaborate affairs where more people need to be invited, and societal expectations undoubtedly come into play.
An elopement is more personalized and can be as simple as the couple wishes. They can simply book a ticket, arrange for a marriage officiant and certificate and then simply announce their union online or when they return. Some people have planned their entire elopement from start to finish within a day! It all depends on whether you are that bride and groom who visualized their wedding day since they were children or if you want to be united in matrimony as soon as possible and plan great adventures ahead instead of setting aside a larger budget for a full-scale wedding reception.
The Guest List
Weddings are always filled with people you don’t know as endless ‘plus ones’ in the form of friends or dates make it to the big day, and it does not end up being intimate and personal. An elopement can be just the couple, and it can also be them and their absolute closest family and friends. Weddings can have up to or more than 200 people, which might constitute someone’s dream wedding bash and micro weddings can even be as few as 15 people. Elopements and micro weddings started gaining more traction during the global pandemic. The obvious time and cost savings made them continue to be popular even when social distancing had ended.
For a larger wedding party, food, seating, and entertainment are avenues you need to plan well. If there is a smaller gathering, people can move around easily and converse, and there will be a more casual vibe throughout the event. Not to mention, you’ll be saying your vows in front of people who love you best, so it is okay to cry big tears and not worry about your makeup!
Don’t Forget About The Budget
The main determinant of elopements vs weddings debate for most people is the stark difference in budget and prices. An elopement is a low expectation and may just be the cost of a honeymoon ticket and booking. Maybe a photo shoot or small dinner reception for 20 or fewer individuals, but a wedding can go anywhere from a luxury hotel booking to 350 guests with very expensive catering and floral decorations. Contrary to popular opinion, an elopement is not a compromise. Couples love to spend money on beautiful wedding favors, and they invest in an after-party that is all the more special since only their loved ones are there.
It’s All In The Location
The venue makes a huge difference when you are planning a more traditional wedding ceremony and reception. It has to fit the vibe you are going for; you have to choose and coordinate with the vendors, and the add-ons of cost are usually considerable when it comes to paying the bills. Most wedding venues charge per head, leaving a huge margin for their profit, which can be avoided if a couple opts for an elopement!
An elopement does have great freedom when it comes to the location. Many couples will, for example, get their marriage officiated and registered with the proper paperwork at a courthouse and then travel to a super romantic location like a mountain, hillside, meadow or beach and have a beautiful photo shoot there. An elopement can be an easy cross between a destination wedding and a micro wedding since the former still requires a proper guest list and a lot of planning to make it feasible.
Can I Have Both A Wedding And An Elopement?
For couples that want the best of both worlds, it is theoretically possible to have elements of both a wedding and an elopement. You can opt for a micro wedding with a very select group of guests, a small informal customized menu and a beautiful location. Then, you can, as a couple, fly off to a beautiful, adventurous location for a photo shoot, completing the ‘elopement’ vibe.
Many couples elope, have a registered marriage, and then throw a planned wedding reception a few days later for their family and friends, allowing them to enjoy the perks of elopement and host a society event with all the bells and whistles.
How The Day Feels
It is not uncommon to hear wedding photographers remark that each wedding they have been to seems just like the last. This is because weddings are endlessly commercial and usually very reflective of current trends. Since the event is on a larger scale, it does need to satisfy certain criteria, which in and of itself limits creativity. However, some big weddings can be spectacularly beautiful and entertaining simply because they are on a grand scale.
The experience of a wedding goes beyond budget and itinerary. The inherent adventure of elopement inspires some people, and some couples want the fairytale ballroom and gown with a large gathering of onlookers gasping in awe. Plan the experience by adding personalized touches, and don’t be afraid to be yourselves, as societal expectations never make for a happy marriage!
Longevity of A Marriage
Divorce statistics are a sad yet inevitable topic of conversation before a wedding happens since someone or the other will cite the latest on that front along the lines of ‘one in every three couples.’ Research has repeatedly shown that elopement vs weddings results in longer, healthier marriages than couples that indulge in expensive wedding receptions. While the latter is a beautiful way to get married, it also indicates a certain type of mindset and behavior.
Couples that gravitate towards big-money weddings usually care a lot about what other people think. If psychology has taught us anything, it is that seeking validation never results in sound mental health or long-term emotional well-being. Big weddings usually cater to the expectations of society and family members, often at the cost of the couple’s own emotional or financial health. It is not uncommon to hear about couples entering into a mountain of debt to host a wedding reception they cannot realistically afford.
An elopement is rather the opposite since it signifies a couple that does not really care about anything other than each other and what makes them happy. An elopement tends to be hyper-personalized and a complete break from tradition as no convention is necessary, and the couple can pick and choose from wedding norms.
Steps To An Elopement of Your Dreams
Do not fool yourself into thinking that an elopement is completely spontaneous. Some planning definitely goes into executing the elopement of your dreams, but the good news is that any and all planning can be done within 24 hours if you are proactive. Here is what you will need to do:-
- Consult your partner and close friends if elopement is the best choice for you. It is usually the perfect call for introverts and couples who would rather enjoy their own company rather than flaunt their love in front of the world and everyone they know. This decision is huge as one’s wedding day is an unforgettable part of one’s life, and no one wants regrets when they’re older.
- Picking the right destination is a focal point of planning an elopement. An elopement can even be considered a destination wedding without the guests or the reception. Since the plane tickets and hotel bookings will be the greatest expense you will bear in the entirety of the event, be sure to choose a destination that pulls at the heartstrings. It could double as a magnificent honeymoon location with little added charge. If you are using the elopement as an excuse to travel more, then research travel or tour packages so you can make the most of your trip.
- Elopement planning still involves booking some essential vendors. A photographer and videographer are necessary to have a photo shoot for your special day (many couples wear proper wedding attire for an elopement), and a travel agent can help you secure the best deals. If you are eloping with a few guests, hotel bookings and a caterer or restaurant must be engaged for the wedding day. The best photographers must be booked months in advance, so be wary of missing the opportunity if your plan is too impromptu. Most couples know at least 6 months prior that they want to get married (research has shown men will know within the first couple of months if a girl is the one or not), so they can engage a photographer beforehand.
- Get your travel plans sorted as soon as possible, especially if you have other people, like elderly parents traveling with you for the elopement and subsequent celebrations. If you need certain types of paperwork for a particular destination, it helps to get that out of the way. Some locations even require tourists to have certain vaccinations, and so forth.
- Don’t forget the witnesses and the officiant! Unless you have already been married at the courthouse before the elopement, you need to arrange for witnesses and a marriage officiant for the destination of your choosing. Some states and countries offer legal self-solemnization, but it is better to be safe than sorry.
- Back-up plans are underrated as an elopement is marketed as being completely impromptu without a care in the world. If you are traveling to a different location, you need to know the language, maps, a first aid kit, a backup officiant and so forth to deal with any last-minute issues that may arise.
Elopement Activities
An elopement gives you an early start on an adventurous honeymoon, and here are some amazing activities you can incorporate into your elopement to make it super memorable and Instagram-worthy!
- Hiking and trekking can be a huge delight, but do not forget adequate gear and clothing, especially if you exchange vows at the top of a hill! Not to mention, your photographer will need to trudge up there with you.
- Camping is a brilliant way to bond and learn more about your partner because it is, as they say: ‘You don’t really know someone until you live with them,’ and camping goes a step further. If you or your partner are sensitive to outdoorsy activities, then ‘glamps’ are a glamorous and comfortable way to experience the wild.
- Don’t underestimate the glory and joy of a scenic road trip as part of your elopement! Sometimes, the simpler activities are the most joyous and relaxing.
